Why am i so evil, i can't help but think evil thoughts of seeing people suffer in life?

my parents think im a horrible person and that no good things will come to me in life. Im quite selfish but can't help the way i am, i sometimes have evil thought in my head about others getting hurt and laugh, i try to keep this stuff to myself, but sometimes i tell my friends, who find my thoughts and attitude extremely funny in some manner. I like to see others fail, and only me succeed in life, im quite arrogant also, i hate others who are too easy or desperate, their easy to use. I've tried to change for the good, i do acts of kindness when i can, i donate money to friends, help with favors and all kinds of nice things, but sometimes when i feel i need the help, its just never convenient, in other words, its not give and take, its just me giving and giving. Perhaps that's where this sadistic attitude comes from within me, its spiraling deep inside, and it freaks me out sometimes. I like being center of attention and hate when others are having a good time without me. Are there others like me? what do i do? Am i turning into a sociopath, and can i change? Basically Why am i like this?